Archive for the ‘Married Relationship’ Category
We have and be content with whom we live is a code to maintaining good and lasting relationship. Human physiology is to get attracted to new and better that may be life, beauty, human, economic condition or etc; controlling self from surrendering to that attraction and learning to endure with existing situation saves from deteriorating relationship. Some factors as I feel are important to lead stressful Married Relationship :
1. Communication in relationship: In relationship, the manner how mentally, verbally, physically converse with partner is called communication. Even eye, face and body can reveal what is in mind. Good Living partners need not speak to reveal affection, feeling, desire and self opinion. Eyes, eyelashes, glowing or dull face and body parts explain the inner mind. Similarly reveals ifs and buts too. So need to hide nothing, open each and every chapter of your book so the partner can read, understand and evaluate to confirm that way the good lasting relationship establishes. Well understood partners are so attached, in sad or funny occasions partner is in mind. Absence of one partner in partnership gives a feel of missing. Most marriages fail where despite living together for long time intimacy is juvenile. Mind of both are against each other by finding each others weak points and do not want to change. The mentality is formed so strong that now is unchangeable. Communication of such people is mostly fake, selfish and hides the reality. Mostly cheaters are from this category. So communication is one major feature to widen relationship and lead stress less life.
2. Care and security: Most women respect their men who care and give feeling of security. This is first she demands from her man for her even sexual fulfillment is second to security as she even loves sex in security. She can sacrifice anything for such partner. She feels protected safe and powerful to fight any obstacle of life if her man is with her. Non caring partner is least respected, she would not even hesitate to cheat on him as without inner respect he nobody. In case woman is monetarily and physically weak to fight back she repents for rest of her life, is acute stressful life she undergoes for entire her. On the contrary male partners too suffer carelessness from women partners. Such men are normally unemployed, sexually – physically – mentally weak, addict and monetarily weak.
3. Fading attraction between partners. Age group of 25-40 demands search for better life so get attracted to better jobs, better sensual apatite, better living and etc;. Under this age group people tend to desire variety of physical and emotional add-ons. For this age group same old routine becomes too boring. A boring life needs change to revitalize. Many people find ways to refresh by associating with other for sensual and emotional craving, involve in unwanted activities, etc; having involved in these activities fails to pay attention to own surviving members or getting caught aggravates. On the other hand people with different ideology together find solutions to rejuvenate faded attraction by changing life pattern, satiating sexual apatite, reviving physical look, become more open verbally and physically.
4. Economic stress. Non earning house wives are vulnerable to stressful economic experiences. Managing home for low and middle income group is not less tensed; this situation escalates further when price of essential commodity soars, cutting essential needs is tough job. Reducing any of them would affect the home life. Under this situation either expenses are cut or defaulted or look for a job for economic survival. And incase failure to meet expenses even with earning of both the members cutting cost of daily life becomes essential. This situation is stressful for both responsible members of the family. In many cases when earning member avoids giving full money so meet addiction habits or demand money to fulfill these needs is fuel to worsening relationship. Feel emotionally tortured, especially women who run home aggravate blaming each other that deteriorates home environment. Poverty and inflation are two major factors for economic stress in the family. Most of poor and low income families are susceptible to this stressful life. 5. Mother-in-law AND daughter-in-law conflict. Two different identities (mother in law and daughter in law) of different ideologies fight each other to gain control over one man. These two beloved women crush this man in their skirmish. They do not realize the affect on the man they are fighting-for. In most cases, mother gets defeated in this episode and ends up rest of her life in the old age homes. If wife looses the war, she ends up in marriage failure. Finally, who is the looser? This episode of mother in law and daughter in law war all three members undergo in stressful environment. 6. Inability to perform physical and emotional satisfaction to partner. In married life between living partners physical and emotional care in bed and day life has an important role to carry on smooth relationship. • Physical satisfaction. Men tend to focus on sexual intercourse and loves partner to exercise various kinds for genital stimulation. On the other women love to enjoy prior to sexual intercourse and sexual intercourse. Women enjoy more in attachment during sexual experience. In most cases men fail to satiate them due to lack of patience or misunderstanding women desire for sexual experience. For women sexual intercourse becomes burden until they felt the pleasure. For a women and men sexual activity is most ecstasy. For both release is for relief that vitalizes entire body and brain. Finally it is satisfaction that brings both together and caring as both care and understands each other’s needs. • Emotional satisfaction. Care and touchy for each other respecting and understanding the feelings. Human is never in same behavior some times sad, worried, scared, raged, anxious, and so on. Change of behavior is by coming across different environments in office, travel, meetings, home, and instances. Mostly surrounding environment dominates own character to behave according to the environmental needs. Many times during menses women behavior changes feels uneasy and become agitated. Overload of work or failing to achieve objective leads to exhaustion and disappointments. Depending on the intensity of occurrence, same attitude lasts for several hours and days in the mind and behaves accordingly with partner. And if partner without realizing the facts approaches same way the bitterness begins. Consoling the partner during that moment is emotional satisfaction. The security is felt and realizes emotional attachment.
7. External environment: Generally working in office or other areas we encounter many incidents from sad to happy, physical tiredness to liveliness; our minds react to the incidents through our personality. The reaction caused, affects our mind to change behavior. That change of behavior remains until shifts to different atmosphere that overshadows existing one. (However, not necessary that sad environment will force to change behavior for long time; this depends on comprising negative and positive factors in individuals). When finds similar situation, reinforces existing behavior, good for best and bad for worst. Exhilarating atmosphere at home upon arrival, consoles negative or violent behavior. The understanding wants partner to behave same way to soften homely atmosphere.
8. Marriage and external attraction/infidelity: Fading attraction drives to incline towards fresh and new attractions so can gratify self and fulfil what is lost. Those who are exposed to external environment are easily dragged into these attractions. Each woman or man working are exposed to external atmosphere. Many realise later and find the reasons as why did she/he go for it? was he/she not happy? If not, why? What can I or children do for it?
9. Different culture and religion: Denote leading different life pattern as drawn in holy scripts. Liberal marring to inflexible religious leads to stressful married life and has to lead whole life or till separation. Especially in arranged marriages or jumbled marring decisions stressful women life is common. It is rare in relations developed before marriage and knowing each other’s attitude for long time. However, in religiously conservative societies privilege of marriage is enjoyed by men only. Woman’s rights are curtailed to restrict to obeying husband. Fulfilling husband’s desire and wish. Under such circumstances nothing can help until social change takes place.
10. Difference of opinion: Each individual possesses own ideology, forms own credence and opinion relates to the personality. In marriage relationship the first step is to respect other’s personality to form chemistry. If chemistry is formed in the relationship, even difference of opinion would mingle to well-matched. Nearly 99% of families have difference of opinions yet most of them survive either by force of culture or religion, dominating behavior, or with attractive quality behavior. Attract collision in case both possess dominating behavior with one negative and the other positive.
11. Economic dominance or jealousy: Unfortunately most men are accursed with this deficiency, can not stand woman dominating economically. The reason may be fear of loosing control over home or her. In most living species males are born this way. Prevailing dominating instinct prompts them to behave to have control. Some one some where has to accommodate for smooth home. We are not in ancient world or animal world; this realization can only change the attitude. Without displaying economic lead making him understand the need of economic strength for comfortable life will benefit. However, these statements look good to speak or write but actual life is different, most men from culturally and religiously conservative societies, can not stand without domination as they are taught this way. Change would be feasible only by social change.
http://www.sadashivan.com/thequotstressquot/id5.html
Each person has own character and quality, the individuality identifies when reflected through communication and practice. Major characters which effect married life are Negative/ Positive, Introverted/ extroverted and strong/ weak, these characters control us. In some negative dominates and in some positive dominates, and what dominates reveals through reaction.
What You Absolutely Must Know About Your Relationship – Test Your Compatibility And Grow Deeper In Love. For Those Dating, Married Or Even In A Long Distance Relationship. High Conversions. Affiliate Resources www.questionsforcouples.com/affiliates.html.
1000 Questions For Couples By Michael Webb Relationship Expert.
Estranged Wife, friends, family, co workers everyone knows of married mans relationship with ow and life goes on as it should. Is women still a mistress although she is not a secret just because man is not divorced?
Living in a marriage is an art, a skill and a commitment. It is essential to learn the basics of relationship and creating a vibrant life based on that relationship. This would definitely ensure a satisfied and blissful marriage. Marriage is a big responsibility as it makes a man learn more about life and its philosophy. From a woman’s point of view, a marriage and having children make her whole and complete. By not marrying, individuals miss out on the wonderful feeling of existence and essence of being. To enjoy a complete bliss in a marriage it takes a million tiny moves from two people who are from different worlds.
There isn’t a way to learn about marriage other than from experience. These methods about marriage are not taught in a school or university. People just follow the path laid down by their predecessors. This implies a lack of effort in trying to learn the fundamentals of marriage and relationships. In an ideal world a marriage should work just fine but it doesn’t. Some marriages breakdown or there is some tension in a relationship. The partners in a marriage become victims of stress and strain. In such an emotionally charged mindset, many of them fail to analyze, investigate, and realize the quintessence of life and their role in a married relationship.
For a smooth running of a relationship, it is important to offer compromises to your partner than just feeling good about being in a relationship. One should pause to ask oneself does being married only means getting comfortable with security of having food and clothing, and shopping? Marriage is hard enough bringing such low expectations into it. Being in a relationship, instead, means doing things what other partner wants, doing in the way partner wants, gives immense pleasure to the partner. This ‘relationship action’ gives satisfaction of being in a relationship. People everywhere have lost the pleasure of performing these ‘relationship actions’. They try to find peace and happiness by abstaining from ‘relationship actions’. Hence everyone looks forward to the weekend and vacation. This is new generation weakness. If you cannot find peace and happiness in ‘relationship actions’ you can never find it through abstaining from them. At least one ‘relationship action’ in a week keeps the relationship going stronger and deeper—which can be measured by a cheerful and broad smile on the beloved’s face.
Most people today seek wealth and enjoyment from marriage. This is kind of top line in modern marriages at least to initiate the marriage proposal and later they match compatibility and personality to find the right person. Although it is well accepted, and many a time people do get the lifestyle desired; for a relationship to endure, the key factor is to accept one another and share each other’s experience in a married life.
In regard to it, a relationship can be explained in Sanskrit as “Anubhava dhara”, as in a stream of experiences. As long as experiences flow, there is a life for both as a couple. When the flow ceases relationship becomes extinct. An experience is therefore a unit of life. This life experience comprises of two factors: Subject and Object. When you communicate with the world, subject meets object, you gain experience. Together or individually the flow of experiences is life. At the end of the day an ideal spouse would be one who is able to spellbind you to share or listen to the experiences either for the interest on you (subject), the story (object) or both. If not or if there isn’t any common experience between two; relationship is going to go down. Thus, sharing of experiences and opinions between two are important in a sustained healthy relationship.
Let us look at a few ways available to take this relationship to a higher plane. How you as a couple are related to the world to find peace and harmony? It is not the world or other people who bother you as you believe it to be—but the relationship you have with them. It is practically impossible to have selfless service in marriage. However, it is essential to mend the quality of emotion from preferential attachment to love. Raise self-awareness of reliance of a soulmate in every aspect from mundane to the extraordinary experience to one’s senses. This will reach the culmination of life and relationship, the ultimate state of peace and bliss, the goal of marriage.
Spiritual connection is very essential in every relationship which is the superset of physical attraction. This binds two souls made for each other. There is chemistry in whatever they attempt to do together. Mind carries soul-mate images to boost up motivation and deal with real life in day-to-day activities. This state in mind results in blissful conditioned-consciousness known as waking, dream and deep-sleep. It is wise not to submit oneself to superstitious belief of relationships or mechanical rituals. This may retrograde the spiritual connection between the relationships.
Most of the misunderstanding and suffering in a relationship are due to self-centric nature of the partners. They cannot see relationship as a whole. Although we are aware that the world is not designed to cater to a particular individual, we do expect a partner to cater in the way he/she wants to see his/her life. When things are not going in their way, most people contradict their trust they had in the beginning of the relationship and go for outside opinions. They hardly investigate the truth. They do not exercise their own judgment. They rely on outside forces to do their thinking. And they function predominantly on blind assumptions in mechanical way. This is spiritual suicide of the relationship. Self-centric nature can never do good to a matrimonial relationship. And those minds destabilize the family environment. Thus the partner loses stability in crucial episode of their life.
In some cases, some people, if the situation with their partner is not favoring them, they rely on other parties like extended families, friends for emotional support or for any kind of anticipated future life security support as their back-up. These substitution declines the strength in the relationship gradually. To have constant energy flow in a relationship it is important to make important emotional reciprocity and getting on common terms with your partner is necessary in all aspect.
Here are some simple techniques to refresh the quality of your relationship. Remember your wedding ceremony. Remember your honeymoon. Remember your marriage. Have you ever been awake? Have you ever missed any opportunity where you could have fallen asleep? Physical relationship needs seasoning, it needs time, it needs depth, intimacy, living together, being together. If Sex becomes such a trivial thing – just a bodily affair where surfaces meet and your depth remains untouched. You are again missing something, something great, and something very mysterious – because you become aware of your own depth only when someone else touches it. Only in a deep relationship does somebody’s love resounds in you and brings your depth into being. Only through somebody else you discover yourself.
No one can force trust on someone; that can never happen. Love always trusts. Sex creates jealousy. If you love somebody in a relationship, sooner or later that person comes with a loving heart. You found the right person. But if you are jealous you will not find that person. If you are simply looking for sex or security for life, you will not find love. Love is hard path, only courageous people can travel on it. It is a penance. There are only two ways to reach the divine: meditation or love. It’s up to you to find your way.
Sex is vital in married relationships. It is the lowest form of energy. If you are spiritual call it ‘God’, if you are scientific, call it ‘X’. This energy, X, can become love. When it is love, then you start respecting the other person. Sometimes you use the other person and feel thankful for it. When you are in love with a woman and you make love to her, you acknowledge. How many people acknowledge or say love-you after you have sex with your partner? May be, many years before, you can remember some time when you were just undecided, just trying! Expecting acknowledgement first from partner, then I acknowledge back is also not love. Once both are settled, taking each other for granted and gratitude has disappeared. This factor deteriorates any strong relationship. This cannot be one day story, must be on going.
Well, true fact is only a woman is real source of existence, who influences every aspect of family. Man is just a player and executor. Although these days, both partners take responsibility of running a family, man holds upper hand. On the other hand, woman is the real energy to move family forward. Without her energy factor, he will be lame. More clearly people understand this notion more prosperous will the family be.
In India, most parents play a big role in marriages. Some parents impose their ideas of marriage. They say “If you marry this person so and so, my blessings are there with you, otherwise we will not bless you”. They do not allow their children to love anyone unconditionally. Some modern parents, the so called educated class say “marry whoever you like” in a string attached way. This ‘liking’ is not good enough to spend entire time together. These parents try to look good limiting their constraints and leaving everything to their children. Love cannot happen based on parents schedule or one’s personal schedule or based on age.
Many of these kinds of marriages end up in stories like this. A lady goes to pet store to buy one. She sees a bird with big beak “what is this strange looking bird?” Proprietor replies “That is gobble bird”. She enquires “Why he is named like that”. In reply the man said to the bird “Gobble bird, my chair”. Immediately, bird started pecking away and gobbles up the chair. The lady, with no more questions says, “I want to buy it”. Owner asked why she needs to buy. She replied “Today evening my husband comes home, he will ask ‘what is that?’ then I will say ‘Gobble bird’. And then he will say ‘Gobble bird, my foot’. What love? What an understanding they have got. Why do they have to marry?
This couple even though they fight and hate each other, they care for each other. This caring is really not enough. This level of caring comes from cultural values we inherit. Most of them try hard to save their marriage. This group of people does not live up to their life. They compromise to look good. They call it love by the satisfaction of sacrifice and compromise they make. This is not love in married relationship, this is not sacrifice. This way we can love anyone around us.
Sacrifice and compromise has to happen in the partner’s interest, and this spontaneously comes out of true love. Love in Married Relationship is truly associated and should be bound to our true emotions and feelings. Some call such couple as soul-mate. That motivates, inspires, dares, encourages and builds strong confidence, character and attitude for these soul-mates. One should aspire for that love where one can attempt do anything required for a special emotion moment to capture which behold in life forever.
Only those couples in a relationship, can find each day in new horizon, new aspirations. They live entire life as if there is no tomorrow. These cute hearts take life in a positive spirit and reckon both happy and sorrow moments equally in life. They balance their life by giving what they need to give in a relationship.
They explore the true world and see it through different lens than rest of us. They convey love is not learnt from school or university. Love is embedded in our brain like any other fundamental living mechanisms such as, eating, sleeping, very nature of human. They live their life to full, create better environment around them and hopefully produce beautiful replicas of themselves in the world.
People are compatible on many levels – Opposites sometimes attract and detract; sexual and appearance attraction; intellectual attractions. But one common defining aspect of a long-term relationship like marriage, is children and whether or not one or the other wants to be involved in raising them.
For most males and females, the urge to procreate…or “biological clock” is a ticking time bomb. As much as one can say “they never want children” publicly, the private and deep seeded need to have children is always there.
Noted psychologist Abraham Maslow proposed in his 1943 paper A Theory of Human Motivation:
“..that as humans meet ‘basic needs’, they seek to satisfy successively ‘higher needs’ that occupy a set hierarchy..”
One of the “higher needs” include family. Sex itself, is considered a basic need, but having more to do with the need to reproduce and “extend the bloodline” than the simple pleasure we all get from it.
Now, from someone who is not a psychologist but an average Joe, this all seems rather technical. But the scientific reasoning is sound according to research at the University of Chicago and University of California at Santa Barbara done in May of 2006.
“..Women are able to subconsciously pick up cues of interest in children in men’s faces and use those cues to determine if they are attracted to them for long-term relationships..”
And this stunner…it doesn’t really matter how attractive physically you are..
“..an important factor in their attraction to men for a long-term relationship was their perception of a man’s affinity for children, even after accounting for their perceptions of men’s general kindness..Our data suggest that men’s interest in children predicts their long-term mate attractiveness even after we account for how physically attractive the women rated the men..”
In his Familiaris Consortio (translation: “On the Family”) #15 the former Pope, John Paul II identified “the Family” as the building block of society..
“..it’s fundamental task, the procreation of children…(and that) the value of a childless Married Relationship can be enhanced by the involvement…of children other than their own, by adoption, fostering, teaching, or charitable work with the sick or disabled..”
Even if you aren’t Roman Catholic (and I’m not), his reasoning certainly can extend to relationships for those who don’t intend to have children. Newlyweds themselves are a potential family…no one is arguing that they shouldn’t consider themselves a family if they don’t have children, are they? No one ceases to be a family upon the death of their only child…and brothers and sisters don’t cease to be a family if they lose their parents.
In other words: Family values don’t necessarily mean reproductive values. For our purposes, the ability and openness to a more lasting bond indicates the value of a solid relationship.
Greg Alan is NOT a professional relationship counselor, but recently published a book on successful dating tips. It’s available on his website at Dating Discovery Secret.
