Archive for December, 2009
How do you get your love back when all seems lost?
I received the following question:
“My relationship was going well and then it plummeted. It was a long distance relationship but it was going so well and strong for 7 months and then crashed. I would give anything to get her back and I really need some advice.”
This is just one example of countless questions I receive asking advice for basically the same problem. So how do you fix a relationship that has gone bad?
Go for the 6-point checklist
1. Go visit
If you really would do anything, I suggest you start by going to see your partner and try and work things out. Long distance relationships are hard, but don’t let anybody ever tell you they can’t work out. My girlfriend/wife and I were in a long distance relationship for more than three years, and we’re in one again. It sucks big time, but it’s definitely still worth it.
If there really are problems in your relationship, it’s best to discuss it in person. Phone calls, Skype, webcams, etc. are all great resources that you can use to communicate, but real problems need real people to sort them out. Not people on computer screens or voices on the other side of telephones. This is not to say you can’t work it out over the distance, so don’t just give up yet. It’s just easier in person.
2. Do some digging
Find out exactly what led to the (possible) breakup. Dig deep. If it’s something one of you said, dig deeper still and find out what led to that being said. I would assume that you are not an inherently bad person, so if you said something bad, there must have been a reason for you to say it.
Don’t stop digging once you’ve reached what looks like an answer. Maybe there’s an even deeper level, something that happened a long time ago. And quite possibly, that something was a complete misunderstanding. It’s happened to us a lot, and I don’t think we’re unique in that way.
3. Be brutally honest
You have to be brutally honest, both with yourself, and with your partner. Your digging will lead to some things you wouldn’t want to know, both about yourself and your partner. You should be prepared for it. This is not the time for mud slinging. This is the time to be a couple. Couples stand together through everything and help each other. You need to admit to the things you find.
4. Admit your mistakes
Admit those mistakes that you’ve uncovered. Admitting mistakes isn’t saying: “I was brought up this way, I can’t change…” Admitting your mistakes means finding out what you’ve been doing wrong so far and actively doing something about it. This is where your partnership will be instrumental. You have work together with each other to come out better as a team on the other side. But don’t stop at your partner. You should also use the help of friends and family. They may be even more brutally honest with you than your partner.
5. What are your plans?
Does your partner know that you have long term plans for your relationship? You do have long term plans don’t you? Like maybe getting married eventually? If you’re serious about making this relationship work, I would assume it’s because you feel that there is a possibility of a long term relationship. Maybe if your partner knows that’s the way you really feel you will get renewed energy and a renewed sense of direction in your relationship.
Seriously, I’ll never tell you when to break a relationship. Only you can ever tell yourself that. But if you don’t see a long term goal for your relationship, a long distance relationship is not your best option. Long distance relationships are harder work than normal relationships, so you have to have something to work for. In our case, as with many others, it was and is definitely worth it, no matter the distance, and no matter how long we are apart.
6. Make some sacrifices
You will have to make some sacrifices in your relationship, but weigh it up against the rewards, and eventually it’s no sacrifice at all. As an example, I spent a lot of money during the course of our long distance relationship in order to visit Mari often enough. But I never saw our relationship in terms of a monetary value. What I got in return is something that no amount of money can ever buy.
Maybe your sacrifice is something else. Maybe you just need to spend less time doing something else you want to do, and spend more time on the phone with your partner. Or maybe you should take the plunge and look for a job closer to your partner. Even if it may mean that you will have to work for a lower salary.
Never just give up on your relationship without a fight (for the relationship that is, not a fight in the relationship). Every relationship goes through a bit of a rough patch from time to time. Long distance relationships are no different.
Best of luck
Leon
Leon Louw
http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/six-ways-to-fix-a-breaking-long-distance-relationship-721812.html
New Document
If one of both partners in a relationship is questioning the integrity of their bond, a potential solution could be to take a few relationship quizzes to see how the couple ranks. Before taking the results too seriously, it should be understood that relationship quizzes, while often created by ‘experts’ in the field of human interaction, will only represent an outsiders opinion on very generic/superficial signals and won’t necessarily be an accurate assessment of every individual couple. With that said, relationship quizzes can give partners and idea on whether they have major issues to work out if they want to maintain a healthy bond with each other.
Some typical subjects for these quizzes can range from trivial to pivotal matters. There are quizzes that ask, “What type of animal is your mate?”, while others pose the question, “Is your partner emotionally satisfied?” The danger with relationship quizzes is not answering correctly, or supplying the answers that would make the most sense—yet not necessarily the ones that apply to an individual couple’s situation. There’s no way to get an accurate result if the quiz isn’t taken seriously, and it’s especially difficult to come to grips with unhealthy behavior in a relationship if the person taking the quiz is the main culprit.
Ultimately, if a relationship feels good, the results of relationship quizzes are meaningless. It honestly should not take an outsider’s approval to convince either partner that they are doing fine/doing poorly. The decision that a relationship quiz is needed may actually be a sign of problems in the strength of a couple to begin with. In addition, taking a quiz behind a partner’s back suggests a lack of communication, which is typically the main issue between two lovers and what many (if not all) Relationship Quizzes will measure when giving results.
Divya
http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/relationship-quizzes-749767.html
I have seen this topic in many forums being discussed heatedly. The scenario is thus. Somebody is in love with a married man/woman. The married person is also in love with our man/woman. But does not want to give away the marriage. What should be done?
Those who fall in love with a married person get trapped. That is the trap of dishonesty.
Such relationships will never be happy. The married person is having dual commitments and is hiding his love from his/her spouse. What use is that marriage? The thought that I am cheating my spouse is enough to kill all the joy. Dishonesty never gives joy.
Even if the married person wants to have dual commitments, he/she should make it very clear to the spouse. There should be no hide and seek. Once you tell your spouse, your spouse has to decide about whether the relationship should continue or marriage be broken. Do not be surprised if the spouse the other relationship to continue for love of his/her partner.
As far as the unmarried lover is concerned, he/she should stop seeing the lover unless the married end is sorted out fully. Otherwise you will again have the guilt of cheating. Such relationships are heart breaking and need tremendous understanding. Me and my own, that is the principal of life for most of us. No body wants to share his /her spouse with others. It was not uncommon in earlier days. But today, the whole idea seems difficult to imagine. Love and relationship are not easy to live with. Our emotions and feelings can bring us pain at any time.
Cdmohatta
http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/relationship-in-love-with-a-married-person-28282.html
Is your heart in trouble? A troubled heart will make you eat less and spend sleepless nights just sitting around the corner of your boring and empty room, making you wonder why everything went wrong. More often you need an advice from a close friend about how to deal with a relationship, or how to save a relationship for last.
Usually, with complicated problems, individuals turn to suffer depression and self-pity, which are the worst things that one can ever do to himself. Problems can make you crazy and you tend to seek advice from a high-paid psychiatrist or a counselor to guide you with what to do and prescribe you with those sleeping pills, to drown you to more and long sleeping hours. It is quite conventional and traditional.
With the value of time, we need not to be away from our work to seek advice in going to a friend’s house or to the clinic of a psychiatrist in search for answers to our waterloos. The Internet provides us with sites that answers our dilemmas about getting an ex back, how to save an unhappy marriage, how to win a girl of your dreams, how to deal and cope with break ups, how to unravel the mysteries of a successful and blissful relationship and so much more….
There are thousands of sites for a lover, a spouse, a friend, a single person to seek for help. Whether about relationships, friendship, dating tips. The sites are there for you to click on. Seek help about anything and everything you need to know. Advices, tips and steps for a certain problem to deal with or how to maintain a certain relationship. There are also experts who are online to talk to with. Experts who will answer all our emotional problems.
Find out what women and men want but might not tell you. Gain relationship advice on sex, long distance love, and spending time together. Plus check out what the experts have to say when it comes to answering relationship questions. Most people put their best foot forward in a new work setting or when looking to attract a mate, but often stumble keeping the relationship rewarding. Emotional intelligence skills help you reach beyond initial good impressions to more meaningful long term relationships at home or work.
Every relationship has its pluses and minuses. For a strong relationship that satisfies both the partners, you have to consider yourself, your partner and the character of the relationship. If you manage to get into a relationship with the right person, you can have a long trouble-free journey.
Brace yourself with the online relationship advice. Worry for it’s for free. And not only have that it also helped you how to conquer your fear in dating and other relationships to come. You can also see some love quotes to send to your loved one. Even cards for a special occasion will make a special person’s day happy. With advice in the Internet about everything, it will make your life more easy and smooth-sailing.
Julia Tanner
http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/get-good-relationship-advice-online-129162.html
Buy this DVD at: http://www.betterlifemedia.com/shop.do?pID=706
Dr. John Gottman has revolutionized the study of marriage. He uses rigorous scientific procedures to observe the habits of married couples in detail over many years for unprecedented insight into the inner workings of successful relationships. Here is the culmination of this life’s work: the seven principles that guide couples on the path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Learn how to build a positive dynamic with your spouse; Hear tips for getting closer through everyday interactions; Gain insight into the ways lasting marriages operate. This presentation is sure to spark some serious conversations about your relationship. More importantly, this DVD can put you and your partner on a real path to a stronger, more fulfilling and ultimately happier relationship. You can buy his entire packaged DVD presentation at www.betterlifemedia.com/Google/john_gottman.jsp
Duration : 0:1:20
