Posts Tagged ‘distance’
A long distance relationship can be terrifying. I was in a long distance relationship twice with the same woman. I went on to marry this woman and live in the same city. I was a failure in a long distance relationship, and I was a success in a long distance relationship. My long distance relationship was heart breaking at times, and it was amazing at times. Let me explain the 5 key areas to having a successful long distance relationship.
1. Emotions in a Long Distance Relationship
Handling your emotions in a long distance relationship can be very difficult. A long distance relationship is very different from a same-city relationship. When you’re in a long distance relationship, you have to read more into the words and actions of your partner.
2. Methods of Communication
A long distance relationship has different methods of communication. My first long distance relationship in 1994, was just the telephone. I spent $300 a month on long distance telephone calls. This was the main reason the long distance relationship failed – we couldn’t justify the costs.
With the Internet you can have a long distance relationship for free using programs like MSN. Textual chat is one way, voice chat (like an audio conversation) is another, and best of all is video chat (face to face communication using web cameras). My 2nd long distance relationship with the same woman used MSN and web cameras for video conferencing. It was amazing to see each other every night. You could see the emotion in your partner’s face – it was the main reason our long distance relationship was successful the time around.
3. Growing Together While Living Apart
Using programs like Skype, or MSN can allow you to grow together in your long distance relationship. It’s essential to make the connection and make the most of your valuable communication time. Having a face to face conversation, sharing instant messenger messages, cell phone text messages, email messages are just some of the ways you can grow together with your partner in a long distance relationship.
4. Potential Problems and Mistakes
There are potential problems and mistakes in a long distance relationship. The biggest problem is ‘misunderstanding’. In my 2nd long distance relationship, I relied on email and cell phone text messaging for the majority of my communication – I would misread text a lot of the time.
Text has no emotion, like in an email, or a cell phone text message. There aren’t enough smileys or emoticons to describe one’s feelings. Text is just black on white, very faceless, and I found I would misinterpret a message. That little voice inside my head would play on it.
My biggest piece of advice is to not let your heart-strings be tugged by text. Take it at face value in context of the rest of the message or messages, and trust in yourself that everything is fine. You’ll be able to clarify the conversation when you speak with your partner face to face later in the day or evening.
5. How to Keep your Long Distance Relationship Interesting
Keeping your long distance relationship interesting is essential. Sharing the conversation is crucial. On average a person listens for 17 seconds before interrupting. Listen twice as much as you speak. Show your respect and admiration for your partner by sharing the conversation.
My partner and I would play online games together through MSN or other web sites. We’d share photo and news stories with each other. There was always a things to do with each other. Communicating online opened so many doors for keeping the long distance relationship interesting.
Conclusion
So if you’re not sure whether you’re ready for a long distance relationship, ask yourself these questions:
1. Am I willing to make the time to communicate with my partner
2. Do I have the tools (MSN, Webcam, Headset, Microphone) to have a long distance relationship online
3. Am I emotionally equipped to have a long distance relationship, where I may not speak with the person every day, and where I may have to rely on email or text messaging for my emotional needs
If you can answer Yes to these 3 questions, you are certainly ready for a long distance relationship. A long distance relationship can be one of the most rewarding love relationships.
A long distance relationship builds emotions at a different levels and in different areas of the relationship than a usual same-city relationship. If you can survive the distance, you can have a successful long distance relationship. Best of luck to you!
Rob Dunsmuir lives in Canada and has two young daughters. He has much experience in long distance relationships and dating. He dated his wife twice in a long distance relationship – once for 6 months, and a 2nd time for 2 years. Rob married his long distance sweetheart in 2007. Read Rob’s Long Distance Relationship Guide for more tips and insight.
So you’re in a long distance relationship, and naturally you’re looking for a long distance relationship guide. What sort of long distance relationship guide will serve you best? How about a ‘Sherpa’ – the people who lead adventurers up Mt. Everest – will they serve you well as your long distance relationship guide? Let’s be realistic, books can work well as a long distance relationship guide too.
A long distance relationship guide can be different things to different people. We’re all born with a burning need to have a relationship with someone we care for. But some of us choose the tougher road, the road less traveled, a long distance relationship. I recommend that anyone who traverses this road be well prepared before taking on such a journey. This type of relationship needs a long distance relationship guide for sure!
I’ve been in many relationships in my life, and a few of them – two to be exact, were long distance relationships. Did I have a long distance relationship guide when I started out? Oh no! I was young, naive and full of lust. I felt I could make it on my own while my loved one was living in another city. I soon found that I needed a long distance relationship guide to be my daily companion.
I’d like to share my experiences with long distance relationships and give you some insight into my long distance relationship guide.
Preparation for the Unknown
When I started out I didn’t have the slightest clue about my long distance relationship guide. I had lots of relationship experience to fall back on – I felt more than prepared for what lay ahead. I knew my partner was living in another city, we had telephones, cell phones, email, the Internet, web cams, text messaging – what more did I need. I soon found I needed my long distance relationship guide to smooth the road. No matter how much technology I had – I wasn’t prepared for the emotional onslaught that was about to happen.
I found myself longing for her voice after we hung up the phone. Why wasn’t this covered in my long distance relationship guide? How could I have been so absent-minded and not thought of the obvious. No matter how many way you have to communicate, you also need to be prepared for the emotions that come with a long distance relationship. My next points will help with this.
Setting and Managing Expectations
When you’re in a ‘normal’ relationship (same city) you just chat when we feel like it, send an email here or there. But when you enter a long distance relationship – communication becomes a staple in the relationship and it become quality instead of quantity. It’s important to have expectations on when you will communicate and for how long. There’s nothing written in your long distance relationship guide that prepares you for feeling snubbed, or forgotten when your loved one isn’t online, doesn’t return your call or email.
Setting these expectations in the beginning will save you a lot of mental anguish. Make sure you leave a page or two open in your long distance relationship guide to make mental notes. Not having expectations met can lead to troubling feelings about the long distance relationship and affect its survival.
Planning your Communication
As I’ve hinted previously, entering into a long distance relationship means you’ll need tools or services in order to communicate. I know it sounds obvious but you wouldn’t believe how silly I felt the first time was asked to have a voice conversation over MSN and I didn’t have a microphone. I felt lousy that I missed out on this opportunity to chat voice to voice. And with the Internet, this can be done for free (except the cost of a headset microphone).
So make sure your long distance relationship guide has an entry for your communication checklist. The more ways you have to communicate, the less apart you’ll feel. Nothing is better than getting a ‘(k)’ which means ‘kiss’ in text speak to me, or a dozen of them on your cell phone as a text message.
Conclusion
I hope you’ve learned about your own internal long distance relationship guide. It lives inside you and as silly as it sounds – it works. Make notes in it often. I sure did!
Rob Dunsmuir lives in Canada and has two young daughters. He has much experience in long distance relationships and dating. He dated his wife twice in a long distance relationship – once for 6 months, and a 2nd time for 2 years. Rob married his long distance sweetheart in 2007. Read Rob’s Long Distance Relationship Guide for more tips and insight.
Long distance relationships are inherently expensive. You have an unnaturally high phone/communication bill, and there’s a large amount of (often expensive) traveling involved. So naturally, the question may arise: Which partner has to take the financial burden?
If you’re both well-off and in successful careers, then the question becomes irrelevant, but what happens when, e.g. one partner is still studying while the other one is working. Or one partner is in a high paying job, and the other is in a lower paid job. Plane tickets, etc. will cost the same both ways, so it doesn’t have to do with which partner goes to visit which.
Let’s take the scenarios one at a time.
Both highly paid
I don’t really see a problem there. If you sort of go 50/50 with your expenses, then there’s no need to worry. Money really isn’t that important at all.
Both underpaid or studying
If you’re both in equally tough situations, then you should probably still help each other out by going 50/50. It’s up to you to decide which partner will be traveling, etc. but it doesn’t really make a difference does it? If your partner comes to visit you, you also gain from it, therefore you’re equal.
One partner is paid less, or still studying
This is the situation my wife and I were in, even before we were married. I went to work straight after leaving university. She still stayed on for another 3 years, the last year of which we were married. After getting married, obviously our expenses were all shared, so the last year can be ruled out.
In our case, it was a no-brainer. I went to visit her as often as I could, and gladly paid for my own traveling expenses, or when she came to visit me, I paid for her expenses. I often joke with my wife by saying I could have been a much wealthier person if it wasn’t for the long distance relationship. Now why do you think I did that? (pay the expenses, not make the joke). Long before we were engaged, we knew that we were going to get married eventually, so my money was her money was my money anyway.
She couldn’t pay, because she just didn’t have the money. She could of course pay out of her student loan, but that would have been silly. Once we got married, we started paying off her student loans together, so if she paid out of her student loans, it would have been our money anyway – plus interest.
Where is your relationship going?
So what advice can I actually give you? I suggest taking a look at the article Is my partner worth it on the articles page on my website (links below). If you feel that you are definitely going to get married and that it’s just a matter of time, you should consider sharing your expenses in a way that is mutually beneficial.
So what if you’re not convinced that you’re going to get married? Well, you can’t just decide to get married instantly. That would be irresponsible, as there are certain character traits that do only come up after you’ve been in a relationship for a while. In that case, I suggest first focusing on your relationship itself before you start worrying about the financial side of it.
Best of luck
Leon
If you haven’t done so yet, be sure to join the Facebook page of LongDistanceRelationshipSecrets.com (http://www.facebook.com/pages/wwwLongDistanceRelationshipSecretscom/49797827894?ref=ts) and join in the discussion of this and other articles. You can also post your own discussion topics for answers by me and the rest of the LongDistanceRelationshipSecrets community.
Leon Louw is the author of Long Distance Relationship Secrets. It is an invaluable guide to couples that are in a long distance relationship. It provides them with tips, advice and guidance on how to overcome the troubles faced by a couple in a long distance relationship.
He has over three years experience of a long distance relationship himself, and he lives the life, not seeing his wife for 10 straight weeks at a time.
The information in these articles is a much scaled down version of what you will find in Long Distance Relationship Secrets (http://www.longdistancerelationshipsecrets.com) and the accompanying bonuses. I am not a psychologist, nor do I have any formal training in relationship counseling. However, Long Distance Relationship Secrets, the bonuses, and the articles (http://www.longdistancerelationshipsecrets.com/artivles.html) were all written from personal experience and after much research and discussion with experts in the field. As with all my writings, he/she, him/her, etc. are all to be seen as interchangeable, except where otherwise stated, or inferred from the text itself.
7 Million Couples Are Separated By Circumstance. Our 3 Book EBundle Shows Long Distance Couples How To Stay Together While They Are Apart & Keep Love Hot!
Loving Your Long Distance Relationship … 50,000 Sold To Date!
A Step By Step Guide To Assist Long Distance Couples On How To Manage, Maintain And Strengthen Their Ldr While Living Apart.
Perfect Long Distance Relationship Guide.
