Posts Tagged ‘Divorce’
If you’re a husband who is seeing signs and signals that indicate your wife may file for divorce, there are some important things you should be aware of.
First of all, DO NOT move out of YOUR house. DO NOT go stay with someone else for a while. DO NOT relinquish control of YOUR possessions in any way.
If your wife suggests that the two of you “take a break” and “spend some time apart”, then directly and firmly let her know that SHE certainly has the right to go stay somewhere else but that you are NOT leaving your house.
Of course, it sometimes happens that a woman will have the locks changed on the house while her husband is away but more often than not, if a man tells his wife that if anyone is leaving it will be her, then, she’ll be the one who does the leaving.
Now, this is important for a number of reasons…
One, when a man leaves, it gives a woman extra space and freedom to initiate the divorce. For whatever reason, it seems to be easier for a woman to file for divorce when she’s separated from her husband.
Two, it sets the foundation for the woman to get custody of any children by default. If you care about your children at all, this is very important.
Three, lawyers can and WILL distort anything and everything you’ve ever said or done – which means if you try to be the nice guy and leave your house to give your wife her “space” until things get “worked out”, and things take a turn for the worse instead of for the better, then don’t be surprised if in court your separation gets morphed into something like, “This horrible abuser ABANDONED his family and left them to fend for themselves.”
Now, before you start thinking to yourself that I’m some amazingly negative person with major issues and a huge chip on his shoulder, please understand that I’m merely relating facts based on what happens to thousands of men every day.
In fact, before I continue on, let me inform you that every day, false charges are filed by women against the husband they are divorcing – simply to gain the upper hand on him in the divorce and/or custody proceedings. And, these false charges are usually of a very serious nature – ranging from “alleged” physical abuse to outright claims of sexual abuse – often resulting in the woman gaining a protective order which blocks the husband from all access to his children and possessions.
Ok, let’s continue… The second thing you should know is that if your wife files for divorce, EXPECT her to become vicious in all sorts of ways you would have never dreamed of – ways that hurt you and cost you. I’ll give you two common examples.
One, it’s typical for husbands to want JOINT custody of the children. In other words, they want their children to have equal access to both their father and their mother. And, that seems like a reasonable sort of arrangement, don’t you think?
Well, court records PROVE that with very, very few exceptions, women seek SOLE custody of the children – and specifically, they mostly seek an arrangement where children have as little access or contact with their father as possible.
Two, in the context of a divorce, it’s typical for husbands to want a fair and equitable distribution of the property. Again, that seems like the fair thing to do, wouldn’t you agree?
But again, court records PROVE that with very few exceptions, women seek to get ALL of the major possessions of worth or value. It seems that women rationalize to themselves that their husband has some unfair advantage such that she needs EVERYTHING to continue on and he needs NOTHING because he can easily go make a new start.
The third thing you should know is that it’s certainly appropriate to want to work things out between you and your wife. By all means, let her know that you would PREFER to work things out with her…that you’d PREFER to make a fresh start where you do a better job of meeting her needs and equally as important, where she does a better job of meeting your needs too.
She may or may not accept your INVITATION.
If she doesn’t, LET her be an individual who is free to make her own choices and who is free to pursue whatever paths in life she chooses to pursue – even if that means one without you.
DO NOT supplicate. DO NOT beg. DO NOT pester her with “tracking” calls any time the two of you are apart. DO NOT stalk or spy. DO NOT project insecurity and paranoia. Be a man. Respect yourself. You’re a survivor and a winner. You WILL be ok with or without this PARTICULAR woman.
If your wife chooses to move on without you, there are plenty of quality women in this world who would be EAGER to join paths with you.
Of course, you don’t want to go overboard with this such that your wife thinks you don’t have any interest in her. That obviously wouldn’t help improve your marriage.
On the other hand, if she does accept your invitation, that’s wonderful. Promptly and proactively seek for ways of improving your marriage relationship.
When it comes to “fixing” relationships, the pattern is that men tend to procrastinate and women tend to act. And specifically, women tend act by interviewing multiple attorneys, by making plans and arrangements – all the way down to knowing exactly where you’re at and making sure any children are with her when she fires off her dirty deed of filing for divorce. The result is that men willingly put themselves in a position of HUGE disadvantage.
So, your best option is to DO something TODAY to turn your marriage around for the better.
Whatever you do, don’t leave things in limbo – put time frames and constraints on things. Many a woman has strung her husband along while she’s out playing the field, making alternate arrangements, and setting up a new life without him while he’s at home hoping she’ll come back around.
And, just so you know, when a man is passive in this way, it just proves to his wife that he’s not man enough for her and that she needs to find someone else who is manlier.
Also, a word of warning…
Beware of counselors who want to pull up and “analyze” all the bad stuff that’s happened in your marriage as this will only serve to emphasize the negatives that your wife is already holding in her mind and further suggest to her that leaving you is the right thing to do.
Your wife is already acknowledging internally all the bad stuff and perceived wrongs that’s happened in your marriage in a strong, vivid way and anything that “strengthens” her in this state is only going to work AGAINST you.
So, if you and your wife are still in the same house and nothing has happened yet, then I URGE you to get these two books (available at MarriedAndHappy.com/Catalog) right away:
“How To Turn Your Wife Into A Nymphomaniac”
“Strategies and Tactics for the Husband in a Sexless Marriage”
Not only will these two books show you what you need to do to save your marriage, they will also show you how to get the kind of marriage you want – a happy, sexual one.
Now, if you’re reading this and your wife has already filed for divorce, then I have two important recommendations for you:
One, I highly recommend that you IMMEDIATELY go to Amazon.com and get the following book OVERNIGHTED to yourself:
The Father’s Emergency Guide to Divorce-Custody Battle: A Tour Through the Predatory World of Judges, Lawyers, Psychologists & Social Workers, in the Subculture of Divorce by William Dawes
Also, if you have children, I STRONGLY recommend you get these books too:
Custody for Fathers: A Practical Guide Through the Combat Zone of a Brutal Custody Battle by Carleen Brennan
Fighting for Your Children: A Father’s Guide to Custody by John Steninbreder
Fathers’ Rights: Hard-Hitting & Fair Advice for Every Father Involved in a Custody Dispute by Jeffery Leving
All four of the above listed books are critically important to a man with children facing a divorce.
Perhaps most important is that they will educate a man on how to direct and drive his attorney in a way that’s useful to him. Without the information contained in these books, a man’s attorney will more often than not work AGAINST him more than he works FOR him. But, with the knowledge contained in these books, a man is better armed to protect himself and his interests.
The second recommendation is to realize that EVERYTHING is important in a divorce proceeding. If your attorney tells you something isn’t really important then understand that HE/SHE is probably LYING to you.
For example, attorney after attorney has told husband after husband that the initial “Temporary Hearing” (the “Pendente Lite”) was “no big deal” and that it wasn’t important for him to be there. Well, the fact of the matter is that this is usually the MOST IMPORTANT hearing there is because key precedents are set which shape the way things are to be LONG-TERM.
Similarly, everything a man signs is important. For example, many a man has signed an unfavorable agreement in good faith based on his attorney’s statement of “just until we get this worked out”. Unfortunately, that unfavorable agreement became a binding and legal agreement that the man had to live with for the next 10 to 20 years – or in some cases, for the rest of his life (or his ex-wife’s life).
Copyright 2009, Article by Calle Zorro of MarriedAndHappy.com. Permission is granted to reprint this article ONLY if a resource box pointing to the following website is included with it.
If you’re a husband who wants a happier, more sexual marriage relationship, consider this help: www.NymphomaniacWife.com
If you are a husband who is doing everything you know to do and still there is lack of intimacy in your marriage relationship, consider this help: www.MoreSexForMen.com
It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences ~Audre Lorde
In the beginning there were similarities…
Early in your relationship, you and your partner probably rejoiced when you discovered shared interests: “I can’t believe you like foreign films too–it was such a downer that my last boyfriend said he shouldn’t have to read his movies!” And when gaping differences happened to peek through (you’re a devout meat eater and he’s a strict vegetarian), you abandoned your previous convictions with glee (“I can’t believe you’re a vegetarian. I’ve been thinking of giving up meat for the last thirteen years but it never seemed like a good time–until now!”)
Love propels you to create similarities where none exist.
Intimacy (the emotional, physical and, for some, spiritual connection couples share) is effortless when relationships are new. You feel like you can talk for hours, you experience intense passion, and you want to spend all your free time together.
And as the relationship progresses, you may find yourself minimizing the fact that your once-communicative partner now prefers television to talking or that the frequency of lovemaking continues to decline.
And then there were differences…
If you and your partner have been in the relationship for more than two years, you’ve come to realize that there are differences between the two of you. Since you’re human beings (and, like snowflakes, no two are alike), there’s no way around that fact. However, you can be different and still be compatible. Hopefully, you and your partner are compatible in the areas that matter to you both–core values and life goals.
The good news is that certain differences can actually be beneficial. For instance, what’s difficult for you might come easy to your partner–her/his personality complements yours: she’s talkative/you’re quiet; you’re playful/he’s serious; she’s a saver/you’re a spender; you’re shy/he’s outgoing; you’re nervous/she’s calm…
Unfortunately, differences can also fan the flames of conflict. For instance, the quietness you once described as “charming” can someday frustrate you to no end–especially when it takes all your emotional energy just to get your partner to have a conversation.
The importance of accepting differences
Couples often enter counseling with a long wish-list detailing why and how the other person should change. These may seem like reasonable requests, but often real change doesn’t happen because the couple is attempting to close the gap on the inherent differences that define each person–differences that were not obvious or that they overlooked early in the relationship. Such futile efforts (trying to change the unchangeable) merely work to build resentments and break apart intimacy.
An alternative solution is to work toward accepting the differences that exist. The art of acceptance is essential for a healthy relationship. Acceptance should be an essential part of your relationship toolbox, along with your (and your partner’s) willingness to compromise and negotiate.
The payoff to the road of acceptance is a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.
5 Points to remember about acceptance:
1. The most important step is to cultivate a mindset of openness. You cannot move forward unless you make a daily, conscious effort to open your heart to all of your partner–even the parts of him/her that you wish didn’t exist.
2. There are as many pathways to intimacy as there are people walking the earth. Differences between how you and your partner achieve intimacy are just that, differences. They do not imply right versus wrong–so suspend your judgement.
3. Acceptance is not submissive complacency. In essence, you are allowing yourself to co-exist peacefully with all that you cannot control in your relationship.
4. Working toward acceptance doesn’t mean you have to blindly accept everything about your partner that you find troubling and never challenge your partner to improve. Relationships are about compromise and change. If there is something your partner can change that would improve the relationship (i.e., quitting smoking), you should encourage that.
5. Acceptance and appreciation go hand-in-hand. When you begin to accept all the different ways in which you and your partner experience and express love, you have taken the vital step toward appreciating your partner’s uniqueness.
Developing a mindset of acceptance is a process–with starts and stops. The solution to moving forward is to become mindful each time you fall into a judgmental mindset. With practice, you will embrace the inherent differences that make you and your partner unique.
Are you motivated to build a stronger, more rewarding relationship?
Visit http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and sign up for Dr. Nicastro’s FREE Relationship Toolbox Newsletter. Each month you’ll receive tips on creating the relationship of your dreams.
As a BONUS, you will receive the popular free reports: “The four mindsets that can topple your relationship” and “Relationship self-defense: Control the way you argue before your arguments control you.”
Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship. Rich and his wife Lucia founded LifeTalk Coaching, an internet-based coaching business that helps couples strengthen their relationships.
How to get your ex spouse back and avoid any disappointment and divorce case for a making up relationship?
Getting to a point of no return or so called divorce is painful emotional experience especially for those who are not initiating this event. At this time nothing else matters except the hope that it can be avoided and you can find a way to get ex wife back.
When a relationship comes to an end in most cases it means that at some point each of you went different pathways and as time went by difference between you both was increasing even if all seemed to be just fine from your point of view. It doesn’t even matter what caused actual divorce because reasons why your wife actually left you can be found earlier in your relationship and to get ex wife back you need to understand what those reasons were.
One of main reasons usually is loosing respect for loved one and depending on emotional background it affects your marriage more or less in separating you from each other. Since you are the one who was dumped it means your wife lost respect for you possibly on several occasions which built up over time and ended with where you are now. Usually women loose respect of their men when they don’t act as stronger party in relationship unless that’s what they are looking for in men.
Basically if men don’t have backbone and can’t stand up for their self then majority of ladies won’t have any respect for such men. If this is the case then your mission to get ex wife back is almost impossible and only way to achieve it would be analyzing what behaviour exactly made you in her eyes less respectful and working to improve on these characteristics which not many can manage.
Next possible reason could be that either you or your wife wasn’t satisfied with lack of passion and intimacy in your relationship which could bring either of you to seeking some adventures outside and if other party finds out about this then it’s usually sure end for any relationship. Possible solution for this would be remembering what brought you together in the first place and trying that out to bring back positive memories but some improvisation is required as well.
Possible reasons may vary for each individual case but with some expert involvement exact problem can be identified and solved so you can have another chance with your wife. One of easiest ways to get such help is reading a book by an expert in relationships who explains in detail how to identify your problem and possible solutions for it.
I have read numerous books on this topic and best book in my opinion is “Win Back Love” which I recommend as a must read if you are even considering getting another chance or just simply want to find out where you made a mistake that ruined marriage.
Click at the bottom to learn more about “Win Back Love” book and how to get ex wife back.
Indeed, life is short. Don’t let another day go by without taking a chance on happiness. You will never know until you try, so remember to make a move today. It can change or affect the rest of your life, therefore, at the very least, you can try to come out something for your ex love partner during your weekend plans. With a little practice, perseverance and patience, I believe that your relationship could be enhanced with the tips that I have shared earlier. If you have faced any problems with your loved ones, do not hesitate to visit this piece of article again.
I really have a strong belief that if you can understand what I have explained and applied what you have learnt from this piece of article, your problems can be eventually solved and your making up relationship can become more stable and stronger. I wish all the best for your making up relationship with your partner. Do always remember to spread word of mouth to your fellow friends for supporting the decision of having making up than breaking up.
Can I get my ex back? Maybe your situation is not covered in this article?
Watch a video that shows you exactly what you must NEVER do, what you should do to get your ex back and why at http://hubpages.com/hub/howshouldiwoomyexback
You will also learn how to reverse the situation if you have already done those things that should NEVER be done.
Jim Lim Da Hong, sgtopmarketseller@gmail.com, Freelance SelfEmployed Graduate
Proven System To Get Your Ex Boyfriend, Ex Girlfriend, Ex Husband Or Ex Wife Back, Dozens Of Real World Case Studies! Save Your Relationship, Save Marriage Today, Proven Solutions! Free Affiliate Resources At CounsellorInABox.com/PartnerProgram.htm.
Counsellor In A Box: Save Your Marriage. Stop Your Divorce Today.
Today on Relationship Chatter, Professional Matchmaker, Samantha Daniels puts a little pop culture into your relationship by providing tips on how you can figure out if your kids will be better off if you stay in an unhappy marriage or if you get a divorce. A lot of times, parents forget that their kids are very perceptive and they think their children will be better off having Cheerios with both parents every morning even if it’s in silence rather than spending time with each parent separately in different homes. Couples like Britney Spears and Kevin Federline who fight publicly in front of their children run the risk that their kids will blame themselves for their parents issues and as a result have trouble having their own happy relationships in later years. Watch Relationship Chatter now and let Samantha help you figure out if divorce is the best thing for you and for your children!
